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literally my favorite commercial ever.

(Source: morethanaprofoundbond, via theranganator)

phatticuss:

my crush: haha i like you . . as a friend!

me: image

(Source: funthot, via moistbottom)

siderealscion:

mALEFISHIENT, MARK

ive been meaning to make work-related comics forever, so enjoy some choice movie title bastardizations.

(these all actually, seriously, happened, with no humor or awareness on the part of the customer at the time as far as I could tell. so, yes, someone actually asked for a ticket to “Detergent” with a straight face.)

(via cellophaneandglass)

jellys:

people that point out acne:

  1. pack ur bags
  2. buy a plane ticket
  3. go to hell

(via moistbottom)

shutupaubrey:

i’m funnier in real life but also uglier

(via laugh-til-ya-fart)

creativepaperandtimeyclocks:

asktoothless:

So i hear my printer starting up from nowhere (i was in the other room) and it takes 10 minutes to print fully after a few minutes my curiosity is peaked as to what or who was printing anything. We have one of those wireless printers you can e-mail too and staring me in the face is this:
Now i’m a rational person so i checked my print history online and there is no record of this ever being sent to the printer. Nothing at all.The text at the bottom reads. 
"WE’RE COMING"
YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO RECORD OF THIS EVER BEING SENT OR RECIEVED BY MY PRINTER!!!!!!

Run

creativepaperandtimeyclocks:

asktoothless:

So i hear my printer starting up from nowhere (i was in the other room) and it takes 10 minutes to print fully after a few minutes my curiosity is peaked as to what or who was printing anything. We have one of those wireless printers you can e-mail too and staring me in the face is this:

Now i’m a rational person so i checked my print history online and there is no record of this ever being sent to the printer. 
Nothing at all.The text at the bottom reads. 

"WE’RE COMING"

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO RECORD OF THIS EVER BEING SENT OR RECIEVED BY MY PRINTER!!!!!!

Run

(via cellophaneandglass)

sharpslut:

i wish people had crushes on me 

(Source: 13hr, via laugh-til-ya-fart)

swamped:

Do u ever look at someone and you’re like how

(via laugh-til-ya-fart)

indiandaughter:

ill pay u $7 to have a crush on me

(via fake-mermaid)

jakemalik:

seeing a hot stranger in public is a blessing

seeing the same hot stranger in public again is a sign

(via fake-mermaid)